Have you ever been cornered by a problem you must face and feel like a wild animal trapped in a cage? Well, that is exactly where I am at right now. As I jump about from blog to blog these days it seems others are pressed up against the wall as well. Clearing out our stuff as painful or fearful as that may be, is mandatory for us to move forward and grow into who we are meant to be. I have found convenient ways to avoid my issue my whole life but now as I am supposed to be winding down my life, I find I am being forced to face this wild tiger at long last and make friends with it. Wow! I don’t have this tiger by the tail at all. I am up at the top of the bars clinging on for dear life as the tiger paces back and forth beneath me waiting for me to lose my grip. It is exhausting and at times I just want to walk out of life and be done with it, but deep inside I can’t do that! I am not a quitter, I am famous for being resourceful, so why am I in this position? If I look honestly at what is transpiring, I would have to admit that I must be lacking belief in myself, questioning somewhere in the back of my mind if I can in fact solve this issue once and for all. I am lacking that gutsy ” Of course I can” attitude. It is inside me cowering somewhere, I just have to go in search of it again, if I want to leave this cage alive!
Procrastination is illusion at its finest! We think by putting off something it will magically go away and yet it is patient, like the patient tiger that waits beneath me. It never goes away, it lurks like a deadly disease that just waits for the immune system to weaken enough so it can make its debut. I wonder why I have allowed this game to go on for so long. I am getting tired as I age, this is something I should have faced when I was younger and filled with the energy to conquer it, rather than stealthily walking around it thinking I could wait it out. Now I am face to face with it. A part of me is terrified, still looking for ways to get around it, when in actual fact I must walk head-on into it. Silly me. Still trying to out smart it.
This clearing away, stripping ourselves bare, is part of this process we are slogging our way through to our freedom that awaits. There are steps that must be taken on this journey and as we go along we tick them off as we complete them. There is no way around this process no matter how much you wish for it to be so. I don’t know why I procrastinated, it was easier perhaps. I see now, as we are all stretched so thin by all of the chaos and crises in this world, I should have faced this sooner when I had the energy, but I also firmly believe that things always happen for a reason, there is always purpose behind everything in life. I will not get down on myself for having put this off. No. It was for some reason that the timing to tame this tiger is now, at this late stage in my life. Being kind to myself and not laying blame at my feet it much like feeding chunks of meat to the tiger to lessen his hunger pangs.
And so I keep going forward, searching for answers and the courage to jump down into the cage for a face off at last with the tiger. Will I survive the encounter? I won’t know until it happens I guess. Will I find the courage? That is up to me to decide. I always have that choice as to whether I will face things nor not, I just don’t have any control over when in this case. There is no way out of this dilemma except going past the tiger and through the cage door. Many are fighting tigers right now. We have done the peripheral cleaning out that we thought we mastered by going within, but we soon discover there is something we have done our best to avoid for so long now, our Life Lesson, but time is over for procrastination. It is the last and often biggest vestige of our issues we have to face, but face it we must if we wish to keep moving forward and expanding into more of who we truly are and who we really wish to be. Good luck to all who are on this journey as well. Have courage!
Blessings to us all,