Music to read by below:
I seem to be in a final battle with myself at the moment, at least I hope it is the last gasp of the battle’s breath. I am so exhausted, wishing the backup would ride in, but there is nobody there, as it should be. Only I can find a resolution to my challenges. These battles we are finding ourselves in, one can sense, are real game changers, life altering, not just detours like we sometimes take. No this moment I am facing is huge, sending me into moments of overwhelm, deer in the head lights, I can’t breathe…I don’t know for certain if all beings encounter this battle on their life’s journey, but I’d like to think I am not alone in experiencing this. Somehow I am getting a foggy message that says ” Yes. Many are feeling this as well.” A great deal of the battle is coming from within myself. I suppose it doesn’t help to be born from the twins of Gemini. My battle seems to come from deep-set beliefs I have that feel anchored down by cement and I can’t break free of them. If there are others out there feeling what I feel, then the world is in a real state of flux from all the confusion and uncertainty going on. It’s no wonder the world is exploding all around us like a string of fire crackers.
It is not what is going on in the world that is creating all of the unrest and violence, as much as it is the unsettling effect the shift in humanity’s consciousness is having upon us. All the rules of the game are changing and we are having to find new ways to adapt. Trying to maintain with the old is like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. It won’t work! One can look back throughout the decades and see how the world has changed at different times taking us all in a different direction, but this change/shift involves the entire planet. Every rock, tree, flower, plant, animal is undergoing this radical shift along with us. Minds are no longer thinking the way they used to, new areas of our brains are opening up and presenting us with new challenges and new perspectives to consider, we have begun to view others in new ways and often those new ways have begun to crack open our hearts setting bits and pieces of ourselves free. How prepared are we to be set free from our self-made constraints though? They are all we have ever known. Who would we be without them? Being free requires a bit more from us than we realize.
It’s tough going for many at the present moment, I believe. I was watching something on tv that grabbed at my heart because of the injustice I was seeing and for a split second I had that old familiar rush of ” I’m going to do something about this. I’ll write my usual letters to remind the establishment that not all of us out here in zombieland are brain-dead! We are watching and we know.” Then that rush blew away and a heavy blanket of overwhelm swept over me and I knew I just didn’t have the energy to manage to take on yet one more battle. I feel like a sweat drenched race horse running towards the finish line, white foam blowing off my body and out of my nostrils as my legs stumble from exhaustion. It seems hard enough to face life altering challenges without adding on the pressure of a paradigm shift and confusion and fear from the masses. Seems to me this is the ultimate test if ever there was one. What have we gotten ourselves into here?
I write this post only to let others know they are not alone on this journey. This challenge is the monster of all challenges for me, and I love challenge, but not this! It is way bigger than I imagined it could be. I am struggling mightily within to overcome my issues I face, but I am also struggling with the state of the world. As I’ve mentioned before integrity is huge for me, so trying to maintain sanity in a world afloat on a sea of roiling lies 24/7 is hideous. I am driven within by my need for equality and fairness, but there is little to be seen in the world right now. I have finally accepted( sort of) that I cannot fight every battle, I am not super human, and that I must now fight to settle my own battles within. I truly believe this is one reason we are seeing so little push back in the world. One, people are exhausted and distracted and dumbed down and two, they are facing their own battles to keep their heads up above the water right now. The thought of one more issue to be upset by and feel a need to fix, is more than we have the energy to deal with.
So my dilemma is now what do I do? I feel if everyone in the world is thinking the same thing, nothing will get fixed. There are so MANY things that are not right in the world ( and right and good as well) at the moment but we have to start somewhere and I think that place is deep within ourselves. There is not a soul on the planet who cannot feel the winds of change are in the air. How we adapt to this change as it envelops us depends in large part on how strong we are, how strong our faith is that all will be well, how strong our faith is in ourselves and how strong we are willing to fight for what is right. In the end we can really only count on ourselves. What will you do when you reach the fork in the road? These are critical times so think before you leap, is what you are deciding upon, for the good of all?
Blessings to all,