I just have to say up front that I personally find these times quite chaotic and disturbing in many respects. The lies and propaganda being tossed out to an ill-informed public to consume as supposed truth, is not only reckless, it is down right evil. I will say no more except to remind everyone to do their own digging for facts and STOP believing everything television tells you. Sometime back in the June Cleaver and Leave It To Beaver days we stopped questioning. We closed up shop , dusted off our hands and said ” Tell me what I need to know . End of story I have other things to do.” So the nightly news comes on now and everyone obediently sits and stares at the hypnotizing television set and believes whatever they are being told. This is how our country began its descent into chaos and a general lack of morality, civility and respect. If we desire the truth and want the lies to end, it begins with being truthful to ourselves first.
I think most of us truly believe we are being truthful with ourselves and many are, but many are not as well. Not by choice, but because of disconnection from self. The technological advances have done many wonders in the world but it also has had it’s detrimental effects as well. Humanity is disconnecting in many ways from human, face to face contact where they actually speak words verbally, not communicating through tweeting or texting. We have not only lost connection with each other we are lost to who WE are. In fact I wonder how often we actually question ourselves. Are we going in the direction we want to go in? Are we being the person we wish to be? Who do we wish to be? Instead we get up everyday and plug ourselves into the system and off we go. Who are we REALLY?
Circumstances beyond my control this past summer forced me to ask just such questions and I was startled to learn what I did. Human minds are powerful and can fool you every step of the way if you are not paying attention or else you are allowing yourself to tune out from reality because it is easier. In the end it is not easier! After much soul-searching, after much admitting truth to myself, after opening my eyes and really taking a look, I became a whole new person. It was shocking and agonizing, but I had to see finally who I was. That was step number one.
Step two now wanted me to accept this new person and care for this person. Well what if I didn’t want to be this person? Too bad, suck it up. This IS you and you are still a good person regardless and it’s time now to stop trying to create certain outcomes in your life’s experience. We are told through television and other media venues that our life should be this way or that way, we should weigh this amount, we should look this way, think this way, act this way! It is no wonder we not only don’t know who we really are, but we are constantly being told to be someone else and we waste all of our time striving to be these other ways, regardless of if this is who we truly want to be.
These past few months I discovered finally, after a lifetime of struggle and not realizing, that I have Severe Anxiety Disorder. Whoa! This is not how I wanted my life to be or imagined my life to be. I am a bright, intelligent, well-educated, well read, independent individual. I had far more going for me than a lot of people in life and so I fell into that safety zone, that zone when you put the blinders on and glide through the safety zone by not feeling! If you don’t feel you can’t acknowledge. I now realize it seemed to work for most of my life, but not without a great deal of struggle and false thinking however. I was thrown into a very traumatic experience over the past summer and the shock of it broke through that wall of non-feeling and everything began to spill out. It was at this time I found out about my anxiety disorder that I have lived with for most of my life. Over time, however, it became more serious as my world of movement began to shrink and how I interacted with life became very limited.
How did this happen? I struggled with that question for a long time but in the end what would having answers really change? I have this disorder and now I must learn how to live with it, try to lessen it, and still love who I am, for it does not make me less of who I am. I’m still working on that one. It is very difficult digesting hard truths about yourself, especially if it is something negative. Suddenly you are tossed into reality and you can’t blow it off. We avoid life quite often, we live through other people’s lives through reality tv, we speak through devices not our mouths quite often. By isolating ourselves we lose the positive mirror effects being around other people provides us with. Slowly we lose connection with life on so many levels. We are told who we should be so that is what we strive to become, but who is it WE really want to be?
I wish to be a compassionate soul. I wish to find ways to inspire others, I like to help others, I am truthful almost to a fault, I live an alternative lifestyle, I am kind and giving, I write from my heart and want nothing more than to see humanity lift itself up and raise its consciousness so that we may evolve and move forward into a more peaceful space. Yes that is who I am but….I am also that struggling soul who has an anxiety disorder. I must find a way now to be all of the above, including that part I did not want but have been dealt that hand. We must all look at ourselves and find the courage to face hard truths. If we don’t, I promise you something will come and slam you over the head and now you can’t ignore it. Find the courage to do the work you need to do now and seek help if you need it. This is not an easy road to walk alone and for so long we have been shamed into not talking about ourselves. We must talk and share, for that is the only way others who suffer as well won’t continue to think they are the only ones suffering. Far from it! We are all one.
Bless you all. ..Dig deep, be honest and love yourself no matter what!
Courage to us all and much love,